Summary
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- Relationships change over time. Ask for help when you need it
- Reclaim every aspect of your life if you haven't already
- Take care with underage children. They may not talk about your cancer, but that doesn't mean they don't still think about it at times.
- If you want to have children, consider the options that are still open.
NOTE: On a day to day basis, to help prevent a recurrence or another illness, it is advisable to do your best to eat a cancer prevention diet, get exercise and adequate rest, and to reduce stress. See: Cancer Prevention Diet And Lifestyle
Relationships change over time. Ask for help when you need it.
Your relationship with your spouse or partner, family and friends has likely evolved since treatment ended, and will likely continue to evolve over time as your and their needs shift. Family members or friends who took over chores for you may want life to go back to what it was before your treatment and still expect you to do what you used to do.
The longer since the end of treatment, the more likely family and friends assume you are okay. Let them know when you are not or when you need assistance.
Family and friendship concerns will likely lessen as the years go by.. Here are some ideas that have helped others deal with family concerns.
If you are part of a couple, expect changes in your relationship and needs as time passes. A resource to consider, including exercises to help keep your relationship comfortable, is the American Cancer Society's book: Couples Confronting Cancer ($18.95 including shipping).
If you need help dealing with family or friends, professional help is available. Particularly look for an expert on family roles and concerns after treatment.
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Children: Telling The NewsReclaim every aspect of your life if you haven't already.
Treatment can play havoc with your self image long after it ended. This includes how you see yourself in your relationship, as a sexual partner, physically, and in the work place.
Reclaim yourself by taking the following steps:
If you had a mastectomy without reconstruction, or even if you had reconstruction, you have a new physical identity that may take some adjusting to. Keep in mind that only your physical appearance has changed - not you. The key to coping with the change is to how you see yourself. People in a similar situation suggest that you think of how you look as an emblem of your strength and fortitude.
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Take care with underage children.
Children do not have any idea what to expect. Like the adults in your life, they likely expect that everything will return to the way it was.
If physical or emotional symptoms continue, tell them about your ongoing needs in an age appropriate manner.
Watch for reactions - including those that seem overboard for the immediate cause. It may be a substitute for fear that you may die.
If you err on either side, do it on the side of caring too much. Under age children do not need to know about your continuing concerns about the future, or what could happen.
Adolescent children may appear to be indifferent. Self absorption during adolescent years is a normal development. Each child will deal with fears about your health in his or her own way.
If your experience with breast cancer comes up, let your children know:
Tips for coping are the same as during treatment. For example:
Prepare to answer the question: "Are you cured mommy?" Be honest. For example, you can say something like: "I am okay now. I'm hopeful that I will stay that way."
Children Who Were Preschool Or Were Adopted
Children who were of preschool age when you went through treatment may not remember, and adopted children will not know about, your breast cancer and treatments.
Never mentioning it adds stress to your life and adds unnecessary negativity to the episode. The children will know one day. It is better for you to be open about it.
Children take their emotional cues from the adults in their lives. If you are okay and talk calmly about it, they are likely to be okay as well.
Make what you do to stay healthy part of your everyday life. Be matter of fact about your cancer history and how it has prompted you to do what you can to stay healthy.
NOTE:
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If you want to have children, consider the options that are still open.
Do not assume that you cannot have children if chemotherapy causes you to stop menstruating
You may still be able to get pregnant.
Use condoms.
If you get pregnant, and breast cancer returns, you will face questions about the impact of cancer treatments on the fetus and about possibly terminating the pregnancy or risking your life.
Pregnancy after Breast Cancer
Pregnancy does not cause cancer. However, hormones that accompany pregnancy may hasten a recurrence.
Current thought is that it is not advisable for a woman to get pregnant within three years after completion of treatment. It is seems to be okay to get pregnant if you are cancer free for at least three years. Many doctors prefer a wait of five years.
Speak with your cancer doctor for information about your particular situation. You can find additional information from Young Survival Coalition (www.youngsurvival.org ) and Fertile Hope (www.fertilehope.org) .
Adoption
Federal law (the Americans With Disabilities Act) prohibits discrimination against people with a disability. The law covers adoption agencies. Your breast cancer may or may not be considered to be a disability for purposes of the ADA.
Whether it is covered or not, expect that an adoption agency will want clarification on your health status and the possibility of a recurrence. At least a letter from your cancer doctor will likely be required. Do not be surprised if the agency requests that you want for a few years after end of treatment before adopting.
Surrogate Mom
If you are still able to carry a baby, you can carry some one else's baby. Speak with your doctor.
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