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Content Overview

In Treatment For Cancer

Think of family and friends as part of your support team. Ask for help when you need it. Your needs are first, but also consider theirs.

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Your team

Start thinking about the people around you as well as part of your team, just as doctors and other professionals are part of your team. Each member can provide his or her knowledge, advice and support.

Who is actually involved with you and to what degree is up to you. You don't have to accept help just because it is offered.

Likewise, you can set limits on peoples' participation in your experience. For example, only spend time with people who are positive and supportive.

Expect that people will let you know when they hear stories about other people with your cancer or who undergo the treatment you decide to take. This information can be overwhelming and not helpful. Feel free to let people know what you do or do not want them to tell you about what they may find out. Check any information you do learn with your doctor.

Ask for the help you need

Don't wait to ask for help until the burden gets too great or you reach a breaking point. You don't need to be superman or superwoman and try to deal with everything you did before and deal with everything that comes up after a diagnosis. There will be times when you will need help either doing everyday tasks such as grocery shopping or matters directly related to your health such as bathing, accompanying you to doctor appointments or acting as a patient advocate if you enter a hospital. You may feel tired after a treatment and need someone else to take over your chores temporarily.

Make a list and divide up the chores and responsibilities that you can't handle right now. 

If you don't feel like eating your normal amount of food, or even eating at all, ask family members and friends to take turns cooking foods that you are likely to eat.

Consider a tip from Jeannette, a cancer survivor: she appointed a friend to coordinate her family and friends for her. It took away the burden. It was also helpful to her team members because they could more easily say "no" when they had to.

Give appropriate chores to underage children. It will help them feel like a part of your team. (To learn more about children, click here)

If you need Medicaid (Medi-cal in California) and have too many assets, consider entering into a caregiver contract with a family member or friend. Such a contract is a legal way of reducing your assets. We have an article concerning Caregiver Contracts noted in "To Learn More."

Ask someone to go with you to important meetings with doctors

It is helpful to have a family member or friend attend all important meetings with doctors. Until treatment starts, that is basically every meeting. Such a person can help in a batch of ways, including helping ask questions, help you to recall what was said, and to help relieve anxiety. We also recommend that you take digital or tape recorder to each session, but you'll learn about tips like that in our content about maximizing your time with a doctor. See "To Learn More."

Think about their needs as well as your own.

A diagnosis affects everyone around you. Your needs come first, but theirs should not be ignored.

Just as you need to share your emotions, they should keep talking with one another about the emotions which surface because of your diagnosis and treatment. Talking keeps mole hill size difficulties from erupting in to mountain size problems.

You can let family and friends know what you find about your disease and treatment through the Circle of Sharing offsite link at the American Cancer Society.

Expect that people will let you know when they hear stories about other people with your cancer or who undergo the treatment you decide to take. This information can be overwhelming and not helpful. Feel free to let people know what you do or do not want them to tell you about what they may find out. Check any information you do learn with your doctor.

Relax family rules to fit the situation

For example, meals could be eaten on paper plates with throw away plastic utensils. Chores that don't need to be done right away can be postponed.

Non-medical professionals in your life

Tell the non-medical professionals in your life about your diagnosis and treatment. They may have suggestions about how it affects specific situations in your life and how to best deal with it.

NOTE: There are a few treatments that will require you to avoid close contact with loved ones for a short period of time. If this is something you will have to do, your doctor will tell you about it when going over treatment options.


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