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What To Discuss With A Healthcare Proxy

Step 3.Take the time to provide as clear an idea as possible of just what your wishes and your beliefs are.

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We suggest starting with your general beliefs and desires. General statements give the Proxy a background against which to determine what you would have wanted if an unexpected situation occurs.

Once that's done, discuss as many procedures or treatments as you can - especially those which may be likely to be encountered if your health deteriorates from your condition. If your desires about any of those procedures or treatments seem to contradict your stated general beliefs, the two of you can discuss your reasons. This discussion will not only increase the chances that what you want will occur, it will also give your proxy more background to help answer questions that haven't specifically been discussed.

For example, Ron, a professional ball player, can state that he doesn't want his life extended if there is no quality of life. But what is quality of life to him? Is it the same as what his doctor would consider "quality of life?" Only a general discussion would help the Proxy understand that Ron wouldn't object to a pacemaker and a slower lifestyle without baseball, but would not be able to tolerate living in bed attached to a respirator.

Consider talking about the following subjects, as well as any other that may be important to you:

  • Your religious beliefs.
  • Your personal life philosophies - including how you do want to live your life, and how you don't want to live it. Give examples.
  • How important it is to you for the proxy to consider the wants and feelings of your family and loved ones. If their feelings are important to you, who is the most important? Whose feelings are not important in this situation?
  • About quality of life:
    • Where would you draw the line below which you would not want to continue living?
    • Avoid knee-jerk statements such as "I wouldn't want to live if I was blind/crippled/quadriplegic/whatever," without first thinking it through.
    • Consider mental abilities as well as physical limitations.

While finances is not a treatment, consider your assets and how many of them you're willing to have spent on your treatment - or would you rather end the situation more quickly and leave assets to your heirs.

Don't be surprised if the discussion brings up things you haven't thought about, or even if it makes you question some of your decisions.


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